So on July 31 don’t go to work, take off that mask, ignore social distancing. Stay in bed and screw like there’s no tomorrow.
Invite Friends
Invite Neighbors
Call the one you met at the bar last weekend. Maybe they’re still good looking.
You say you’re alone, well, you got a hand don’t you?
And don’t forget lubrication. Raw meat is only for the grill.
Remember, most STDs are curable. If you happen to get one of the “Not-Most”, it’s not the end of the world. Just the end for you.
And if he or she says you got them pregnant, one of them is lying.
Have FUN!
In the Henry Ford Hospital a Detroit man Bimmel Knitter, 53, was successfully wakened from a coma of twelve years using an experimental treatment.
The experimental treatment is being kept secret until further trials are conducted.
But through my investigation I have uncovered the secret. It’s Knitter’s best friend, Barry Johnson, a Hooker, Crack, and Black Sabbath.
“Every birthday for the past twelve years I bring in a hooker to give him a five-dollar blowjob, a hit of crack and put on some Black Sabbath to cheer him up and give him a reason to come back to life,” Johnson told reporters.
Evidently for eleven years this “treatment” didn’t work. But on number twelve Barry found the High Priestess of Blow Jobs and damn good crack. Ozzy certainly was a bonus.
I just love heart filled stories, don’t you?
With COVID-19 going around it’s understandable that many are not as promiscuous as they once were.
Of course this presents a problem………. Hornosis, a condition causing Musthavesexism which causes bluing of testicles and depression.
There is an Ohio man, James O’Keefe, 53, that would have none of that.
Still concerned of contracting the virus, he came up with a fool-proof solution.
He volunteers in an animal shelter which provided him with the perfect opportunity. WHAT COULD GO WRONG?
Shortly after O’Keefe became sick with………COVID-19. In the hospital he claims he was unaware at the time that domestic pets such as cats and dogs could transmit the virus.
In a Public Service Announcement he told reporters, “I want the word to get out that having sex with domestic pets during the coronavirus pandemic could have dramatic consequences for your health and that of your loved ones,”
So having sex with animals is OK, just don’t do it during the coronavirus pandemic. Good advice, I guess.
I Love You Mommy
Those are the words you hear so often between a Son and his Mom.
From a little boy to his final moments at her gravesite it’s truly heartfelt.
The son’s wife caught her 43-year-old husband and mother-in-law in flagrante delicto (Latin for Big No No) on the living room couch.
The wife’s cousin had walked in on the son sexually penetrating his mother on the living room couch. The mom was said to be on top. I’d say they were both as far down as you can go to the bottom of gross.
Reports show that the son said to a Massachusetts police officer who asked how he possibly could have committed incest with his mom, “Uh I don’t know. It just happened.”
Now I ask you. Why do this for FREE? My God woman, have you no sense of Capitalism?
Gentil Ramirez , alias Genital Raminherz, of Gigante (real name), Colombia, took so much Viagra that he ended up needing surgery on his penis.While multiple media outlets initially reported that the 66-year-old’s penis was amputated, Ramirez told Colombian newspaper La Nacion Thursday that his manhood is still intact.
He wanted to impress his wife, so he took far more of the blue pills than recommended. He had an erection for several days before he sought medical attention.
Doctors say that his penis was inflamed, fractured, and infected with gangrene. The mangled member required invasive surgery in order to keep gangrene from spreading to the rest of his body.
Nevertheless, Ramirez “is recovering well,” doctors told La Nacion.
RidiculousHumor 