Pets and Ass By Daniel Lopez Stand-Up Comedian

Ran across this guy yesterday. Why am I promoting another Humor Blog?

Because his humor is weird funny. Not for everyone. Only some (you know who you are)

From his Blog

Why are you so AWESOME and I SUCK?!

 

I’m Hot For Teacher

There Is One Very Happy Boy In Texas.

Felicia Smith (alias Fellatio) a 42-year-old teacher performed a “full contact” lap dance on a middle school boy celebrating his 15th birthday in February in front of his Texas classmates.As he sat in a chair next to Fellatio’s desk she moved back and forth on his crotch and touched him all over his body. Then sank to her knees and put her head between his legs hence her new nickname, Fellatio. The student admitted that he spanked Fellatio’s buttocks a couple of times. Oh Mama!As music played, Fellatio said “I love you, baby. Happy Birthday. A birthday he will never forget.

Now I ask you. Why do this for FREE? My God woman, have you no sense of Capitalism?

She was consequently removed from teaching.

Oh, So Painful – The REAL Britney Spears

Britney Spears’ Isolated Vocal Track

Prepare for the HORROR. If you dare to click Play, you have been warned!

Take The Stairs, Please!!!

You never know what’s behind those doors.
Go ahead and push that button, IF YOU DARE!

Deer, Please Cross Highway Here

I’ve always wondered why the DOT would put up signs in neighborhoods telling everyone that there were mentally challenged children living there.

This was always an ongoing joke, until my family threatened me if I didn’t stop.

BUT…. Now there is someone to carry on. Unfortunately I think she’s serious. She’s very concerned about Deer Crossing Signs.

Hot and Horny… Sex Crazed Dolphin!

Police Stake Out Cayman Islands For Serial Sex Maniac Dolphin

When I go scuba diving, the only “Wild” I would want is another diver, human female preferred.

A frisky dolphin who swims near the Cayman Islands apparently has the hots for humans, as a shocking new video amply demonstrates.

The dolphin — who has been nicknamed “Stinky the Loner Dolphin” — has one purpose in mind: “Getting busy” with scuba divers.

Breast Idea Ever?

What a rip!

I see this headline:

“Charity Breast Squeeze: Japanese Porn Channel Throws Interactive Benefit For STOP!AIDS”

So I’m thinking, nothing like a good Booby Squeeze video. Not caring that I don’t understand Japanese, I clicked on. This is what I got.

TOTAL RIP!!!

Hey Lego… Up Yours!

Kids! What Ya Going To Do?

Open orifice…..Stick something in it.

Isaak Lasson can finally breathe easy after three years of sinus problems.

The cause? A single wheel-shaped Lego piece that he got stuck up his nose back when he was 3.

Numerous doctors looked at Isaak’s nose and prescribed antibiotics.

But last week, a new doctor noticed that Isaak seemed to have something foreign stuck up his schnoz and asked what it might be.

“I put some spaghetti up there, but that was a long time ago,” Isaak told the doctor.

But it wasn’t pasta that was up Isaak’s nose, just a ball of fungus encasing a Lego wheel!

Now, after 3 years, that Moon Rover can now be completed.

What A Dick! I Mean What A Dick!!!!!!!

Jonah Falcon, Man With World’s Biggest Penis

Seems every guy that has a large weapon of mass conception is not very good-looking. Take Porn Star Ron Jeremy for instance. God must do some kind of balancing thing to make up for the looks department.

Though The Guinness Book of World Records does not have a category for penises, I think they should. And if they did, there should also be a category for the smallest penis.

Here’s my nomination.

Lulu: The “Large” Pole Dancer

I’m sorry, but did this girl not realize the ridicule she would get doing this?

If she wanted to show the world that fat girls can be Sexy Pole Dancers, it didn’t work. There’s a Ton a jokes I could make, so with a Large Butt, I won’t.