Archive for June, 2012

Lonely Days, Lonely Nights. What do you have……Air Sex!

Everyone knows about playing Air Guitar. It’s for people who have no clue in how to play a REAL Guitar. Well this is the same thing.

It’s for people who have no clue in how to have REAL Sex!!! So they pretend.

Get a load of these losers and you’ll see why they have to play make-believe.

On the bright side, you can’t get pregnant!

He who smelt it, dealt it! But not this time.

Daniel Collins was apparently fed up with his neighbor’s flatulence and decided to put a cork in it, or at least a .32 caliber bullet.

Police in Teaneck, N.J., said Collins, 72, had been involved in an ongoing dispute with the unidentified neighbor for some time, but Collins got really pissed when the man passed gas near Collins’ apartment door, disturbing his nap.

Collins allegedly pointed a revolver at the fartaholic neighbor in the hallway of their apartment building and said “I’m going to plug that damn gas leak!”

Police were able to clear the air between the two neighbors. Collins was released on his own recognizance.

HazMat was not called.

Head Banger Burglar

Posted: June 27, 2012 in Dumb Criminal

I swear, I was just walking along and this door grabbed me. Then it stuck my head under it!

Manuel Fernandes allegedly attempted to rob a Rent-A-Center in Brockton, Mass., and instead he had nine hours of his life stolen from him.

Police say that Fernandes, 54, tried to prop up the overhead garage door using a metal bedpost so he could shimmy underneath and rob the place.

This was around midnight Tuesday, but, unfortunately for him, Fernandes got his head stuck under the door and was forced to lay with his right cheek on the dirty floor for about nine hours until assistant manager John Rodriguez found him.

“I happened to walk in and he was there,” Rodriguez said.. “I saw that little head sticking out.”

The assistant manager then started taking videos for evidence and his own amusement.

Now that’s using your head!

Unfortunately, the videos were not available at press time.

One of The Oldest Jokes On The Planet!

Two 8th grade students on a Canadian school trip were fooled into eating moose droppings by a chaperone and the teachers and principal didn’t do anything to stop it.

The incident happened on the recent two-day canoe trip. Karen Eyolfson, whose 13-year-old son was one of the students who ingested the moose waste, said her son took a bite after a parent chaperone told him that the animal feces were Smart Pills. “These taste like s**t!”

See, it works, you getting smart already!

There are some things that just don’t go together.

Like, don’t check to see if you lighter works while fueling your car!!!

Dateline: Thomastown, Australia

A Motorist who Lit himself and his car on fire after checking his lighter while filling up his tank with gas at an ACPO station in Thomastown was saved by a doctor from fuel station fire.The incident, captured on CCTV video footage, shows the panicked motorist quickly escape the blaze as it engulfs the door of his vehicle.
Mr Zaini, who was filling up his car nearby, runs over to help put out the flames by throwing a bucket of water over the splashed petrol.
Meanwhile, a quick-thinking attendant shuts down the pump.

What did the idiot learn from this? His lighter works!!

In an apparent attempt to conform to First Lady Obama’s nutrition program, Qantas Airlines gave passengers protein filled snacks during a flight.

Unfortunately the snacks were maggots, crawling in snack food supplied by The Sydney Biscuit Company on a recent Qantas flight back from LA.

I think I’ll stick with the snacks I bring myself.


Hey Idiot! How Stupid Are You?

“Uh, let’s see. If I put my arm in the magic hole where soda cans come out, I can get one FREE!!!!!”

A 17-year boy in National City, Calif., learned the hard way that crime doesn’t pay after attempting to steal a soda and getting his arm stuck in the vending machine.

On Saturday morning the teen, whose name was not released, allegedly reached inside the receiving slot of the vending machine near a trolley station, according to NBC San Diego. Then, his arm got caught inside and was stuck until a trolley rider saw him trapped and called the police.

Police, firefighters, paramedics and trolley security all arrived on the scene. The firefighters attempted to free the alleged soda-napper using axes, crowbars and an air chisel.

He never did get the soda.