Tortoise Jailbreak

A 15-year-old African Sulcata Tortoise named Soloman escaped from a Tennessee home and went on a two month robbery spree.

He didn’t make it far.
Due to his short legs and weight of 150-lbs., he only made it one mile.

A man and his son finally spotted Soloman grazing in a valley.

“You ain’t taking me alive Copper!”

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“I guess we will never know the full details of Solomon’s two month robbery spree and how he managed to elude us for so long,” the county sheriff told the local news outlet. “We’re thankful to the gentleman and his son who happened to be driving by at that moment.

The sheriff said the true extent of the 15-year-old tortoise’s robbery spree
remains a mystery.

Solomon is now back in his Tennessee home.

He was shanked three weeks later.

I Love You Mommy

I Love You Mommy

Those are the words you hear so often between a Son and his Mom. 
From a little boy to his final moments at her gravesite it’s truly heartfelt.

As innocent as it is, some people take it just a little bit too far. What do I mean by that you may ask………

Well here ya go….

Massachusetts Mother and Son lovers
each face up to 20 years in prison for INCEST!!!

What A Lovely Couple

Holy Shit Batman! What the Hell?

The son’s wife caught her 43-year-old husband and mother-in-law in flagrante delicto (Latin for Big No No) on the living room couch.

The wife’s cousin had walked in on the son sexually penetrating his mother on the living room couch. The mom was said to be on top. I’d say they were both as far down as you can go to the bottom of gross.

Reports show that the son said to a Massachusetts police officer who asked how he possibly could have committed incest with his mom, “Uh I don’t know. It just happened.”

Some people get 15 minutes of fame,
these two are going to get their 15 in prison.

Due to prison overcrowding
they’ll be put into the same cell.

They should Makeout just fine.

Luck Be A Lady Tonight

And the Lucky Winner is…………

Herbert McClellan 

Yep, he was a $30 WINNER!!!!! He won with one of the 13 Scratch Off Tickets he got from a local convenience store in Clearwater, FL.
Oh joy, now he could buy that engagement ring that he’d had his eye on at the local pawn shop.

Oh Boy, Oh Boy!

Not to waste any time, he hurriedly ran to the closest convenience store to cash in.
Heart racing, he ran into the store and presented his winning ticket.

But in all the excitement he forgot one small detail…….
He didn’t buy the tickets. He had stolen the tickets from the store he was now in.

Whoopsie

Store employees immediately recognized McClellan as the Scratch-Off Thief and called 911.

McClellan was arrested and charged with petty theft and dealing in stolen property.

At least he has a funny story to tell while in prison.

Gorilla Breaks Into Home, Hides Under Bed

Apeman Jeremie, wearing a gorilla suit, was walking around a neighborhood in Louisiana. Evidently he has missed lunch and his hunger became unbearable. He started looking into houses hoping to find bananas. Finally, he decided to break into house. Hearing someone entering the house he hid under a mattress.

Later, when the home’s family had gone to bed, Little Tommy of the family went running to his parents bedroom screaming “There’s a gorilla under my bed!”. They told Little Tommy to go back to bed and that there’s nothing under his bed.

The next morning mom and dad couldn’t find Little Tommy. All they found were banana peels under his bed.

So remember parents……..

Always listen to your children.

Dog Arrested For Attempted Murder

A dog named Shotgun was arrested after he shot his owner with a rifle.

 

The Munich administrative court on Tuesday dismissed the dog’s argument that he was driven to madness by the owner.

 

The court ruled that Shotgun couldn’t be trusted “because it must be assumed that he will make the attempt in future.”

Shotgun is appealing the ruling. He argued that he was being tortured by the owner. He told the court that after 5 years of Kibbles & Bits® he had enough. He had begged for Alpo but to no avail. Although sympathetic, the court denied the appeal.

The owner, whose name wasn’t released, is considering moving to another city without Shotgun.

Doggie Style

Ruben Chance James Fox and his wife, Amber Nicole Fox, have brought new meaning to “Doggie Style”.

Apparently their sex life was getting boring, so they decided on a three-some. Unfortunately for the third-party, it was their dog! On top of that, they shot a video of the tryst. “Anything you can ever imagine a man and a woman doing to each other, she was having the dogs do,” Raeford Police Chief Franklin Crumpler remarked. They faced charges of bestiality, conspiracy and disseminating obscene materials, with Amber Fox facing an additional charge of soliciting a crime against nature.

Crime Against Nature, huh. You guys better stop eyeing the knot holes in trees!

The video is not available. It has been buried in the backyard.

I Thought A Cig After Sex Was The Norm

Well,
apparently
I’m wrong.

Florida woman, Angela Specker, thought a nice gesture would be to slash her one night stand with a knife!

Police say she took $100 in exchange for sex. Unfortunately for the “John”, she wasn’t thrilled by his performance. She didn’t like the way he treated her while hooking. She claimed the victim slapped her and pulled her hair during sex. When he was “finished,” he threw $100 at her and left, she claimed.

I’m surprised she was worth that much.

He should have just taken her to dinner and left it at that.

Batman and Batwoman Arrested!!!!!

More Like Fatman and Fatwoman!

So, this guy dresses up like Batman and fights “Crime” in his neighborhood with his sidekick Batwoman.

Unfortunately, the police were not impressed.

They do make a lovely couple though.

Humor: Not Today

Today my heart, prayers, and thoughts are with the victims’ families from last night’s horrific massacre.

Nothing can help me or anyone understand WHY!

This monster has taken the lives of 12 people, including children. An additional 58 are in severe to critical condition.

James Holmes was packing as many as 6,000 rounds, police say, in a Colorado movie theater shooting spree that left 12 dead and 58 wounded, and authorities have yet to enter his apartment over fears it is booby-trapped.

I will not post the photo of this animal that’s been on the television news and internet. I’m sure you’ve seen it. It sickens me to see this grinning, twisted psychopath.

I’ll end with the hope that all will join me in prayer and support for all those affected.

BC

Man Breaks Into Hotel Room And Orders Room Service

When you’re hungry, whacha ya gonna’ do?

Vinod Adhikary, who police say broke into a room at the Old Town Inn in Manassas, Va., on Wednesday — just to order room service.

Employees called the police after getting a room service request after 2 a.m. from Adhikary. They nixed the order when they realized he dialed from a room that wasn’t booked for the night.

Cops came to the Inn and charged Adhikary, 30, with unlawful entry and public intoxication.

He should have left a tip.