Tortoise Jailbreak

A 15-year-old African Sulcata Tortoise named Soloman escaped from a Tennessee home and went on a two month robbery spree.

He didn’t make it far.
Due to his short legs and weight of 150-lbs., he only made it one mile.

A man and his son finally spotted Soloman grazing in a valley.

“You ain’t taking me alive Copper!”

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“I guess we will never know the full details of Solomon’s two month robbery spree and how he managed to elude us for so long,” the county sheriff told the local news outlet. “We’re thankful to the gentleman and his son who happened to be driving by at that moment.

The sheriff said the true extent of the 15-year-old tortoise’s robbery spree
remains a mystery.

Solomon is now back in his Tennessee home.

He was shanked three weeks later.

Man Shoots Off His Penis

The guy was taking a morning walk with his Hi-Point 9mm handgun tucked in his waistband. (dumb idea #1).

As the walk continued, the gun slowly began to slide downward. Seeing another weapon in his pants, the gun angled itself for a better look.

“Once a Man” quickly grabbed the gun so it wouldn’t fall through his pant leg. (dumb idea #2). In his haste his trigger finger found it’s rightful place and as “Once a Man” pulled out the gun it did what a gun will do……..

!!!! BANG !!!!

And that is the last thing
he’ll ever pull out of his pants.